Friday, 8 July 2011

A Solstice love poem

I’m running through this farmer’s field now
I’m going to get my feet wet
I’ll be quiet, ‘cause I think there’s a cow
But I think she sleeps after sunset

Tomorrow a new sun will rise
And nature will get her way
And I’ll hope to wake to your eyes
And I’ll be yours for another day

Tomorrow is the first of summer
The Solstice will bless us with light
And I’ll capture our moments of ardor
And save them for cold winter nights

So take off your suit and your shoes now
And run through the night, hold my hand
Don’t think so hard, come and see how
Solid and steady my stone love stands.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Questions about love, lust and trust...

Maybe it's not about finding the person who is right for us?
Maybe it’s about finding the person who we are right for?
Because you can never truly know about another person, but you can know about their effect upon you.
Instead of looking for someone who ticks our boxes, maybe we should just be looking out for someone who elicits a reaction in us? A reaction of confidence maybe?

Confidence that we can be loyal to them, that we can laugh with them, that we want to share the different aspects of our lives with them. Confidence that we want their input. Confidence that we seem to be organically influenced by them in positive ways and that we are inspired by them. Confidence that we can handle negativity from them in a healthy way.

If we have confidence in our ability to be healthy and happy in that person's company, what else do we need? We don't need to depend on them, because we should be able to depend on ourselves at our best, and if we are confident that we're a positive version of ourselves when they're around, they've already made us feel secure, just by being themselves, and without trying.

Why does it have to be more complicated than that?
Why can’t people just decide that if they’re confident that the reactions in themselves are so good, then they should probably continue to feed them?

It seems to me that looking inward for genuine love (not admiration, or infatuation) of another person within ourselves, and getting good at recognising it when it’s there makes much more sense than attempting to recognise anything in other people. We’re not mind readers after all. Or maybe we were once, but as we evolve as a species, we seem to be becoming less so.

Can we change another person? No. Can we influence another person without meaning to? Certainly. We do it all day long. So surely basing relationships on whether a person’s subconscious influences on you are positive or not makes much more sense than having a preconceived idea of what will make us happy and looking for someone who meets that idea. 

If you spend your life looking for someone who matches your romantic ideal, you’ll probably just convince yourself you love someone who meets 80% of the criteria and spend the next decade or so focussing on the 20% of them you’re not so into.

“First you’ll roll your eyes to heaven
Say you’ve never had love so divine
But it will go from more than ever
To not enough in no time.”  - Ani Difranco, 78% water

The point Ani is making in this song is that we are 78% water, “even our pumping hearts” and as she mentions in another song “love is loose, it shifts each time you move”. Trying to find someone who fits your fairytale is impossible when you look at love as fluid, inconstant and ever-changing. As everything else in the world is each of these three things (the only constant is change and all that) then why should love be any different? Especially when you take into account all the variables which affect a human. Then there's the notion that romantic love is a social phenomenon (note I don’t call romantic love a natural phenomenon) which is therefore affected by all of these human variables x 2, as we’re talking about a relationship with 2 humans in it.  

As an alternative to romantic love and ‘finding the one’, is it worth thinking about the idea that we’re all just chemicals reacting? And that once two chemicals have reacted, that is how they will always react? It is, literally, chemistry. At the end of the day, we’re all just sniffing each other’s pheromones and chasing the people who smell good to us. 

So if you find that your chemical reaction with someone is a good one, then that’s something to go on. And really, that’s just lust, and until you’ve spent extended periods of time in that person’s company that’s all you’ve got to go on. A person can talk a great talk, and even believe their own hype, but it’s their actions, reactions, routines and relationships with others which will help you decide whether you want to trust them or not. 

And even then, studies show that you’d best wait at least 6 months before you start thinking you can even see a clear picture of who they are. Before then, our brains are too full of phenylethylamine, dopamine and adrenaline for us to think straight about the person triggering these pleasurable hormonal reactions. This can go on for up to 3 years in some people, so take your time deciding whether you really trust that person you lust after so passionately.

However, if you meet someone who smells good to you and who after a reasonable period of time elicits a reaction of loyalty and positivity in you, then you might just be in what I like to call natural love, and it’s probably advisable to throw your romantic love fairytale tick list out of the window. Because as a wise man at the pub told me the other night, “Love is just lust plus trust.”

Sunday, 5 June 2011

When love is just a verb

When love is just a verb
And lust is just hormones
Then all that’s left to contend with
Is pride
And that’s easily managed if you keep your ego
Healthy and strong
By surrounding yourself with good people
And giving love freely
And never letting fear
Stop you from speaking up
And making your needs known
Because we all deserve to have our questions answered
And our egos stroked
And our foreheads kissed
And we all deserve to look in the mirror
And like what we see
And if we don’t
It’s never the parents’ fault
We must stop and ask
“How can I become someone I like?”
And then we must dream and dare and act
Because when love is a doing word
You have to practice it
Because it is a skill
Just as an athlete trains her body so it can run fast
A good woman must educate her heart so it can love well
So she can be open
And brave
And loyal
And vulnerable
And just as one feels the pain and runs hard anyway
The good woman feels the fear and loves hard anyway
Because her own heart is her haven
And a bruised ego heals fast
When lust is just hormones
When love is just a verb.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Liviing the dream

Our generation seem focused on ‘living the dream’ whatever that is. Quite a few people seem to think it’s x-factor or glamour modelling or marrying a footballer…for others it’s being a musician or graphic designer or something else creative, fun and inspiring but which ultimately only benefits the self. I suppose ‘the dream’ is different for everybody. But one thing it doesn’t seem to be is being a catalyst for societal change. What a difference a generation makes.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Something I'm working on...wish it would finish itself.


I whispered perfumed promises
While you slept I stroked your hair
And when you woke you smiled and said
You could smell my fragrance in the air

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Next time look much closer
And watch her petals unfurl
As she blossoms underneath you
You'll see her young leaves curl

Her face follows your warming sun
Her pollen shimmers in your breeze
Her roots wrap tight around you
And she is lifeless when you freeze.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Marriage


Today I have been working on my wedding film project, and during the course of my research, I revisited this passage, which is my favourite reading regarding love and marriage, and I often refer moments in my life back to it, so I thought I'd share it. 


The next passage is from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. 
And what of Marriage, master? 
And he answered saying: 
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. 

Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. 
But let there be spaces in your togetherness, 
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love: 
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. 
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. 
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 
Sing and Dance together and be joyous, but each one of you be alone. 
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. 
And stand together yet not too near together: 
For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Monday, 7 February 2011

Simple. Apparently...

All the things I could have said
You heard anyway
And all the things I feared
You never did
Holding it together
For my own good
Emotions I suppressed
You understood

This is for every kiss 
I could've savoured
And this is for every 
Smile or sigh I hid
This is for every chance 
I missed to love you
Because I honestly
Always did.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Pen, Lips, Fingertips

Pen, lips
Fingertips
Quiver in shards of light
Between these sheets
A moment meets
A gift of cold insight 

An old notebook
A whole world shook
A perfume bottle emptied
A scribbled line
A stitch in time
Saves a female tempted

An ancient urge
A conscience purged
A pleasure took place there
A grateful girl
Rejoined the world
Renewed through her despair

A discreet word
A spirit stirred
To spend a wanton hour
A pen, and lips

And fingertips
Trace a skin-sketched memoir.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

This bloggy thing: A disclaimer.

So here I am. Here to write an incredibly self-indulgent blog (the clue was in the name, really) about whatever comes to mind.

I like to (need to?) write poetry and I get very passionate about music, period drama, nature, things that make me laugh and things that are just, well, hot. And sometimes I just write little expostulations or excitements in the form of a paragraph or two of wittering, which I’ll probably post here too.

I’ll warn you in advance that on some days I’m a weapon of massive consumption and on other days I’m philosophising about the meaning of life and the healing power of candlelight. Don’t try to keep up. Just roll your eyes and leave if my contrary nature gets to you. I won’t mind. Except sometimes I might. ;) Oh, and I think I’m hilarious. Apologies in advance for this. I’ve always been this way.
I use words like ‘conversating’ and ‘crunk’, because I’m half African American, and also words like ‘bravo’ and ‘splendiferous’ because the other half of me is very English. And I don’t care whether or not a word is in the dictionary, as long as I’m making some sense. Sometimes I’ll use a ‘z’ in philosophizing, and sometimes an ‘s’, and other times I’ll say gas when I mean petrol or football when I mean soccer.

A note about religion. My mum is Pagan and my late father’s family are Episcopalian, so after many years of mind-changing, and attendance at all of the important ceremonies for both belief systems, I consider myself both. Mostly because it’s so much more fun than being neither. And also because I like communion, but not wicca and nature but not the Bible. I dislike Christians OR Pagans who get preachy or judgmental. I like may poles, solstices and standing circles, but also hymns, church communities and prayers. I like whatever makes me feel closer to that which is higher than me. My favourite holy places are Trethevy Quoit, Cornwall and St. James’ Episcopal Church, Austin. I like to baptize myself in the ocean a couple of times a year. Who’s gonna try telling me that’s not holy water? See? Same same. The reason I bring this up is because if I mention God - which isn’t often - I’ll tend to capitalise the word. Not because it is ‘his’ name (note no capitalisation there), but because if pond life like George Bush gets capitals, then the universal life force of no particular gender which connects everything sure as hell deserves them. Yes I mentioned hell. You know what? Let’s not go there.

I’m fascinated by male/female relationships, the platonic kind, the romantic kind and the unromantic straight-up horizontal bop kind. I find Annalysing (geddit? wish I could take credit for that one) therapeutic and fun. I know that I probably won’t draw a conclusion, and that if I do, it’ll be wrong. It’s about the journey. And about calling drunken focus groups (otherwise known as my friends) to debate gender role and relationship theories. However it should be noted that a huge percentage of my friends are men, so if I come across a mite chauvinistic at any point, don’t be surprised. I’m a member of a group on facebook called “I wish it was 1950 so I could stay home and bake all day.” A good friend of mine in the States pointed out that if it was 1950, I wouldn’t be allowed to mix with white people - especially men. Which I soon realised would make me currently, a 24 year old friendless virgin.

Oh yes. I also get sidetracked easily when I’m writing.
If my neuroses haven’t scared you away yet, we might have a chance at something beautiful here. Stick around.

Scholar


Well I'm ready to study you friend
I'm gonna read your book til the end
I didn't read the last page
I'm just feeling my way
And then I might read you again

As long as there’s candlelight
You're printed in black & white
And sometimes grey
But that's OK
Because I’ve got time tonight.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Imperfectly

Call out my name like you mean it
When I dance and flash through the night
This coffee skin and these fiery eyes
Have you firmly set in their sights

An English rose and pauper
An African glamazon queen
Earthily imperfectly female
And you still seem to be keen

My hair is bristling nature
My body is flawed happenstance
My soul unpolluted and tactless
And you're still craving romance

My house has a door which is open
If you're brave enough, come and find me
I've got laughter and song and food and love
And passionate poetry.

Here goes nothing...


So I've decided to start an online collection of my poetry and other written odds and ends, because I realized I have an irrational fear of people reading my writing, so naturally, I decided to publish it on the internet. Fears are made to be faced and all that. For now I’m only inviting friends and fam to have a gander, and we’ll see how it goes. Most is personal, some is hypothetical. Some poems are recent, some were written in 2002, some in between. And no, I'm not telling who inspired what, or when I wrote what, (unless you ply me with wine and ask really nicely). That would ruin the fun, hm?